May 22, 2025

I am not sure why, but pretty much everything is getting on my nerves today. Usually, I go with the flow and accept what happens, including people and situations I find particularly irritating. First, when I went to my blog page, I realized to my horror that it has been eight months since I published something. I recall that I also promised my four (OK, maybe five) fans that my next blog would return to its natural platform of snark and sarcasm. Fear not, my faithful five, I am back. You may find a few instances of snark herein.

This submission is something I think I can safely say applies to every human being with a pulse. And that is that life is full of annoyances. But what annoys me may not be an issue for some of you and vice versa. You may not concur, you may be cheering me on in total agreement, or you might just think I am wasting time and space bitching about things irrelevant in the larger scheme of things. Before I launch into my bitch list, I must thank my friends, BeeBee and DeeBee who are apparently annoyed by lots of things. They provided me with plenty of fodder and valuable input with some of their own unique collection of irritants. Let’s get this party started.

Automobile/Driver Annoyances

Parking: How maddening is it when some jerk parks too close to your car often to the point where you can barely squeeze your ass into or out of the driver’s seat. Conversely, what about the entitled asshole who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable (because he is special and so is his brand-new Mercedes) to dedicate two spaces to his vehicle while the rest of us plebeians make do with one? Get over yourself, Yolanda!

Personal care: The car is not the place to put on makeup, floss your teeth, spray your hair, or change your clothes—while the car is moving. You can do all that to your heart’s desire when it’s parked. Just common sense from my perspective.

Driving or lack thereof: It’s painfully obvious that some people on the road shouldn’t be. Ever. Just take that license and burn it because you, my friend, are not only a dangerous addition to the highways and byways, but you are also a danger to yourself including the threat of lawsuits or worse. Can we talk about those pains in the buttocks, typically young males, who apparently are insecure and dealing with some not so readily apparent shortcomings? They have the need to doctor up their crappy cars, with loud bass on their sound systems, typically blasting an unintelligible cacophony of “music” capable of registering on the Richter Scale. Let’s not forget the rendered useless muffler which combined with the bass produces a sound that defies description and could rattle the sense of well-being and quiet reflection of a practicing Buddhist. These punks need to be locked in a room with those sounds on rewind until they vow to drive like the Amish and old ladies.

Speaking of old ladies, I probably shouldn’t characterize this group as problematic, because I am an old lady despite all my denials and protestations. However, I don’t behave like one when driving. First, I have a lead foot and have received one or seven speeding tickets in my years of operating a motor vehicle. Secondly, I don’t toddle along in the fast lane, a huge annoyance for me. These folks, and some may indeed be old ladies, seem to think that if their destination is twenty miles away, “I’d better get into that passing lane NOW. Don’t wanna miss it!!!!” Grrrr!!!! Potentially, these people could also be blamed for the next category of exasperating drivers. I am referring to the idiots who assume we can read their minds from one car-length away, because they NEVER use their turn signals. Come on people, it’s not only a courtesy, but a safety issue. Let’s add tailgating, ass-riding, or more politely, following too closely. These people drive me nuts, because they want to be in control of how you drive, showing that they are in charge and YOU are in their way. I guess we should defer to these idiots, because obviously their destination is beckoning, and we are preventing them from reaching their dates with destiny. As my sister would say, “you BUG me!” Finally, I must include cell phone usage in this category of things that piss me off. I don’t feel skilled enough as a driver to speak on the cell phone (even if it’s hands-free) while attempting to navigate a turn. If someone calls, that’s what voice mail is for. And, finally, I will revisit my conversation with certain people in my life who identify themselves as my grandsons: If I learn that you are texting and driving, I will kick your ass multiple times. Then I will insert my size ten foot into the anus horribilis and twist it with emphasis. Don’t do it. Period.

Shopping

This applies to both grocery stores and big box stores like Costco:

• Shopping Carts: They are a convenience to us for holding our items. They are to be operated with some level of intelligence and regard for other shoppers. So, keep to the right, don’t leave it in the middle of the aisle to prevent others from getting around it.
• Children in shopping carts: These are not amusement rides for the little darlings to ride in unrestrained. Limit the number of children to one in your cart. And that child should be no older than a young toddler. A healthy five-year-old can walk and help Mommy or Daddy shop. Exercise is good.
• Self-checkout and Express aisle: Self-explanatory (see what I did there?) There’s no shame in opting out of self-checkout. I avoid it like the proverbial plague. But if you decide to use it, please acquaint yourself with the process. You don’t need to understand quantum mechanics, but you do need a modicum of common sense to perform the functions. But don’t ask me. As for the express aisle, I wasn’t a math major, but I can do rudimentary math – like counting to ten or 15. Apparently others can’t. You get my drift.
• Check writing. In 2025 do I seriously need to stand in line with other annoyed shoppers as some befuddled individual fumbles in their pocket or purse to find the checkbook? I say this with a heightened level of annoyance, bordering on Stage 2 anger. Get a grip and get a debit card, Ethel!

Bad Habits

Most bad habits can be broken. Perhaps your parents never taught you. Perhaps you have a condition that shouldn’t be criticized, but here I am. Perhaps you know better but don’t care how it annoys me. Perhaps it’s something you genuinely enjoy. Here is a list of only some that drive me (and perhaps my contributors) nuts and in a less civilized society could lead me to maim someone. It has to stop for the good of the innocent.

The toilet seat: If you’re a dude, when you’re finished, put the toilet seat down!!!!!! Conversely, if you are not accustomed to doing Number One with the seat up, then please don’t spray the seat!!!! Disgusting as hell. This goes for the ladies too. Clean up and wipe up. No one wants to look at or sit in that. The End.

Spitting in public: Enough said. Ewwwwww!

Sneezing and coughing without covering your mouth OR sneezing and coughing into your open hand. DOUBLE EWWWWWW! Remind me to never shake your hand or eat anything you’ve made requiring kneading. Eww! Eww! Eww!

Repetitive behavior such as tapping your feet, clicking your manicured nails on a hard surface, clicking a ballpoint pen to the point of distraction, playing with your hair, picking things (I’ll stop there,) and speaking of picking: I know they are called toothpicks, but please don’t do that in my presence – ever. And by special request, please don’t pick hair or lint off your clothing and then blithely deposit it on the floor. Thank you. Have some couth Chuck!

People who have shall we say a certain odoriferous aroma, be it personal hygiene, alcohol, tobacco, heavy perfume; bad breath; you get the picture.

Personal Behavior/Societal Norms: Phonies, Fawners, Philistines

Good manners and social skills are not necessarily innate. For most of us these are taught at home by example and consequences. When you are expected to tow the line you do. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Not a difficult concept. Always offer elderly or challenged people your seat. Help them with their shopping bags. And for God’s sake, look behind you when opening a door and if someone is approaching, take that extra second to hold the door. If you are waiting for an elevator, when it opens, wait a couple more seconds and let the disembarking occupants off before you and your anxious companions shove your way in. RUDE!!!! Don’t bully or make fun of people. You never know what’s going on in their lives.

A few more to add before I wind this thing down. I fear I am beginning to sound like a cranky curmudgeon:

People who treat waitstaff poorly. Don’t snap your fingers or call across the restaurant to your server. Say please and thank you, even if your server is less than enthusiastic. It’s difficult being on your feet and running around juggling multiple tasks and levels of expectation.

Social skills or lack thereof: I don’t know if it’s our device-laden mentality where we feel lost without something to do with our hands, but it is apparent that good old-fashioned conversation has lost its appeal. And I think that’s sad. Hiding behind a screen won’t protect us. And regretfully, being ill-equipped to carry on a meaningful conversation could have ramifications that go beyond the present. But that is another blog. This one is bordering on annoying even me.

Me-Centered

Me, Me, Me. You know the type. They are better than you, smarter than you, and don’t care what you think. They are busier than you, their job is SO important, and they have no understanding of the words, “cooperation” or “teamwork.” They interrupt constantly, talk over you, and are usually the dolts who take personal calls with the speakers on so all of us strangers can hear how very important they are. In a nutshell these inconsiderate clods make everything about Them, Them, Them and never respect you or your needs, no matter how insignificant they deem them. Stop being a narcissist, Norman!

Humble bragging or vague posting on Facebook. I am irritated beyond measure by these. You know, someone posts something about a big promotion, or little Billy got into Harvard. I am particularly vexed by vague posts that provide a snippet of something but nothing substantial. “Sigh” — “Why me?” – “I will never understand people.” – or my personal favorite: “I am DONE trying!” The poster should simply provide us with the information up front, because they will eventually tell us. Personally, I think it’s an ego trip to see how many concerned friends will rally to their side to inquire about what terrible thing has befallen them. Get a grip, Geraldine!

Chronically late people. This drives me nuts. I know I should get over it, but if I invite you somewhere please just show up on time. This is especially irksome at a big venue where you’re ready to settle down and enjoy a performance, a game, or a speaker. Then it never fails. Five tardy turkeys come prancing in, usually carrying a smelly basket of nacho chips and hot Cheez Whiz. Not a pleasant experience.

Finally, An Amalgamation of Annoyances and Other Atrocities

This last section is a compilation of annoyances and irritants and a few anger-inducing thorns in my side. A couple, while an affront to my sense of peace actually make me smile. Others have made me cry. Life is funny like that.

Having to do other people’s work for them because they are incompetent, lazy, or entitled.

Cackling coteries of yackity airheads in bars each trying to outdo the next in volume. Definitely migraine-inducing. Tone it down, Dottie!

Internet lowlifes who taunt people with problems. Remember the Golden Rule. Speaking of social media, I am disheartened and sad at the growing vitriol that has occurred in the last few years. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and to vote as they feel compelled. Instead of posting divisive crap on Facebook, it would be lovely if a dialogue without judgment and accusations could occur. Your friends and relatives who voted one way or the other are not the devil’s spawn. Feelings and opinions on both sides of the aisle are valid and should be respected without immediately going into attack mode. And with dialogue, presenting real facts instead of copying and pasting memes, and listening to alternate viewpoints, we just might have a chance for understanding and mutual respect. Yes, my middle name is Pollyanna. Proselytizing over.

Ozempic Commercials: First is the song: The melody is from a 70s song “Magic” but the lyrics were obviously written by a four-year-old. “Oh, Oh, Oh……OZEMPIC!!!! Blah, blah, blah. Then the idiotic facial expressions and the actors prancing down the street celebrating weight loss make me want to eat a cheesesteak – and drink heavily. To the marketing team: please make it stop. I might as well add the Charmin commercial with the family of bears. Cringe-inducing at the very least.

Hypocrites, rude people in general, and overly fawning behavior (Oh my God, you look FAAAABULOUS!!!!! Have you lost weight?) Obviously, I have no patience because disingenuous people really chap my you know what.

Hurting or neglecting the vulnerable and defenseless. Whether it’s a child, the elderly, or a puppy, I despise the people who think it’s acceptable. I will never understand the inhumanity. It makes me rage every time I see examples of such cruelty.

Sports fans who take it WAY too seriously. A lot of these folks are the ones who let things get out of hand at a game. We’ve heard it many times, a drunken idiot beats up a fan of the opposing team. Or less injurious but still unacceptable, taunting fans or the players as they’re attempting to do their jobs. Drink less beer, Leonard! Oh, and Go Eagles!

This has bothered me since I was a teenager sitting at the pool with my transistor radio and baby oil slathered on my unsuspecting skin. I absolutely HATE it when radio hosts talk over a song drowning out the first few lines. Some of the best parts of a song are at the beginning. Please stop. I am glad this thing is close to the end, because I hate that I am whining.

Littering. NO EXCUSE. If you’ve ever been to Europe, it’s a different story. Drive on the Autobahn and see what a clean highway looks like. Here thoughtless jackasses throw their half-eaten fast food meals out the window, often in a fast food lane. Show some civic pride, Clyde!

Calling anywhere needing customer service is enough to make Mother Theresa lose her shit. From the automated answer to the need to select several buttons to the long wait with irritating music (and the intermittent voice thanking us for our patience) to the most frustrating component of this exercise – agents who have a language problem. If you can’t understand what they’re saying, get ready to increase your blood pressure and likely say something you might regret.

Anything Kardashian or Real Housewives. How is it that vacuous people like this become wealthy or even wealthier while the rest of us schmucks merely survive. It ain’t right, I tell you, it ain’t right!

Chronically pessimistic and negative people. These are the folks who can bring you down quickly. My goal is to avoid them as much as possible. It’s bad for my mental health. Quit your whining, Winifred!

People obsessed with the superficial: looks, weight, money, status symbols. No need to elaborate. They just irritate me, that’s all.

Merchandise packaging: Anyone who has had an impatient toddler melt down because they want to play with their new toy, knows what I am talking about. Toy companies seem to think that their products should be encased in polyurethane, tied with wire, and securely trapped behind 47 metal staples. I implore them to rethink their business plan. You’re not protecting the Rosetta Stone or The Code of Hammurabi; it’s a toy truck for God’s sake!

So that’s it – for now. I think I need to get a grip. While evidence to the contrary as witnessed by the length of this blog, I am typically not bothered by too much and try to stay out of controversy, confrontations, and contrasting opinions. You may not concur, but I do hope you can at least relate to this compendium of thoughts from The Widow. Unfortunately, after this exercise I realized that I have annoyed, irritated, and piqued off myself. Maybe it’s payback. Thanks for reading.